Crescendo
by Alryssa
Summary: Cont. from 'The First Night' (post-season 3): Dot talks to Bob in an attempt to understand the secrecy behind 'the great experiment'.


'Crescendo' (sequel to 'The First Night')  
Rated G  
  
  
  
It was burning a hole in her desk.  
  
Dot Matrix glared once more at the datafile sitting in her 'in' tray; hoping somewhat irrationally that the mere intensity of her stare would cause the thing to vanish, go up in smoke, anything but still *be* there, looking back at her and reminding her of the events of the last couple of seconds.  
  
She hadn't been able to concentrate since hearing the contents; the following confrontation with Bob had only served to intensify the mixed emotions now constantly battling with each other for supremacy. In a short few nanos, that file had managed to turn her life upside-down once again. A short, somewhat static-laden, broken audio file, a 'report' back from Guardian 452 to Prime Guardian Turbo, outlining his proposal for the 'project'.   
  
Project. The word stuck in the forefront of her mind again, despite her best efforts to shove it roughly aside. Mainframe, the great experiment... the great coverup.   
  
She screwed her eyes shut, and made a faint sound of annoyance. She wasn't getting anything accomplished here. She was falling so far behind her schedule, she was sure the others were going to start asking questions soon - if not directly, then of each other. That is, if they hadn't already noticed the distinct distance she and Bob had put between themselves following the altercation. Each had caught the other's eye a few times in the War Room, before looking away; brief, cautious curiosity temporarily overcoming hurt. She'd retreated to her office to try and focus on her work, but it just seemed to be isolating her even more.   
  
She glanced back at her organiser screen, and sighed. Removing her glasses, she pinched the bridge of her nose. It was impossible. She wasn't getting anything accomplished.   
  
The datafile was still there.  
  
She was going to have to talk to Bob.   
  
* * *  
  
Phong looked up from the console display as Dot approached him.   
  
"Phong? Do you know where Bob is?"  
  
The elder sprite looked somewhat bewildered for a moment before responding.   
  
"He is... in the Game, my child." He gestured to the larger screen in the centre of the room. Dot looked up, and registered the image of the Game Cube in the former sector of G-Prime. She bit her lip. How could she have been so distracted as to miss a Game Cube landing?   
  
"Oh..." she said. She recovered herself somewhat, realising Phong's puzzled gaze was directed at her, and smiled apologetically. "I've been a little busy... can you send him to my office as soon as he gets back?"   
  
"Certainly," he replied. She nodded, and headed back to her desk. Phong watched her go, an edge of concern settling across his face.   
  
* * *  
  
"Hey."  
  
Dot glanced up from the organiser's screen. Bob was standing in the doorway to her office. She mentally tried to prepare herself; had been for the last several nanos while waiting for him to arrive. She hadn't been very successful.   
  
He fidgeted awkwardly in the doorway. "You... wanted to see me?" he prompted.  
  
She broke the eye contact, staring instead at the desktop. "Yes."  
  
Bob glanced back over his shoulder, then moved into the office, shutting the door behind him. He stood there, uncertain as to what to do next; worried about invading the private space Dot had extended around herself but wanting at the same time to just be close to her.  
  
There was an awkward silence for a few nanos, both sprites trying to think of something, anything to say; searching for that one phrase that might just make the whole situation vanish, taking the pain and the heartache with it. Dot took a deep breath, and clenched her fists. She had to know.  
  
"Why? Why did you do this, Bob?" she whispered.   
  
He sighed.  
  
"I don't know if - "  
  
"Please, Bob." She met his eyes again. "I just want to understand... to know."   
  
He pondered this for a few moments, then slowly approached her desk.   
  
"Dot... let me show you something."  
  
Bob gestured to her organiser. Her brow creased in puzzlement, but she turned the small appliance around and pushed it to him across the desk; perhaps a subconscious gesture on her part of keeping the surface between them as a physical as well as a mental barrier. The Guardian leaned over, tapped on its keyboard. The organiser was linked to the system's Archives; each sprite had their own filespace allocation within the system for their own use. Dot watched him as he narrowed his eyes slightly, then hit a few more keys.   
  
"Here," he said finally, turning the organiser so they could both see the screen. The image displayed was of a female sprite she didn't recognise; had never seen before. She was wearing a Guardian uniform.   
  
"Who..." she began.  
  
"That's Dixon." Bob's expression softened as he said it. Dot suddenly felt a brief surge of jealousy, and chided herself silently for the involuntary emotion.   
  
"I don't understand..." she said, "Was she...?"  
  
Bob's gaze left the screen, resettling on her. She felt stupid for asking, a faint blush creeping to her face. A brief expression of realisation crossed Bob's face, which then became a nervous laugh.   
  
"Oh...Oh! No, nothing like that. Dixon was the field Guardian I was partnered with for my final year at the Academy."  
  
Dot's mouth formed an 'O' as she nodded comprehension. Bob's attention moved back to the image on the screen. "She was... my mentor, I guess. My first partner. She was the model Guardian, everything I wanted to be. Sure, we didn't share a lot of the same views, especially on viruses, but... she listened to me." Sadness, then: "She was the first person deleted by Gigabyte. The first sprite I let down, because like an idiot I didn't listen." He closed his eyes, the incident coming back to him. "I rushed in without thinking, and because I did, I was out cold while Gigabyte drained her and left her for dead... then left for another system. I woke up in time to watch her die."   
  
His shoulders slumped. Dot fought her instinct to reach out to him; spammit, she was angry for what he'd done, put her through... she shouldn't be all over him offering *him* sympathy!  
  
"Bob... what does this have to do with - "  
  
"I wasn't lying to you, Dot. Your father's experiment *did* get out of hand. It was the energy of the Gate that attracted Gigabyte to Mainframe, and caused the explosion. It was a matter of just a split-nano. A coincidence. If he'd activated the Gate just a few nanos later, this would never have happened."  
  
Dot processed this information; tried to reconcile it her own feelings.   
  
"I was given a commendation after it happened. A commendation!" He laughed bitterly. "Dixon's parents visited the Academy to meet with their daughter's 'brave student'." He shook his head, sadly. "I couldn't bear to tell them that it was my stupidity that deleted her... deleted all those people in the Twin City."  
  
"Bob..."  
  
"Mainframe was my revenge, Dot. Mainframe gave me the chance to do what I'd always wanted - prove my theory - for Dixon's sake."  
  
Dot narrowed her eyes at him. "Revenge? You call what you did revenge?"  
  
Bob turned defensive. "I wanted something positive to come out of this! Something *better*! I didn't want anyone else to die! It was that, or let myself get angrier and angrier - with myself and everyone else. I would have let the anger take me over, Dot. I would have turned into Matrix; never able to put a gun down, never able to stop. Would you have wanted that?"  
  
She sat back, physically withdrawing herself from his outburst. He slowed his rapid breathing, and looked down at the floor, gathering his broken thoughts. "I just wanted to make things right," he murmured.  
  
"People still got deleted, Bob. While you were busy playing User, people *got deleted*. The system almost crashed! And we trusted you! With our lives!"  
  
"And I protected those lives! Always!" he shot back, dark anger flashing in his brown eyes. "Always. You *know* I did, to the best of my ability!"  
  
"And what about me? Was that revenge as well? Part of the great plan?"  
  
He recoiled, stung. Silence once more. She blinked, fighting back the hot tears of rage and frustration that threatened to blur her vision. She hadn't meant that to come out, and regretted it already.   
  
"Dot, I no more 'planned' my feelings for you than you did for me. I know what I did was arrogant; to assume I could do this on my own. I should have trusted you, told you. I can't say sorry enough. I know this hurts, Dot. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted any of this to happen. But when I got shot into the Web... the only thing that kept me going was that I had to get back; if only to tell you that it was all my fault. I'm sorry, Dot. I'm so, so sorry."   
  
She tried to meet his gaze; his dark eyes earnest, searching. She couldn't. She shook her head at him.  
  
"I lost... everyone I loved... cared about... I can't forgive you yet. But it's not just that, Bob. You couldn't trust me with the truth. I feel - " she struggled for the right word, " - cheated. I thought I knew you, and then you were gone... and then you came back, and I felt like you were a different sprite. Now... now I have to ask myself if I ever did know you at all."   
  
"You asked me to explain why I did it. If I had the choices to make all over? I'd change the part where Gigabyte escaped, and none of this would have happened. If I'd known - "   
  
"Bob, I need time. We both do. I think.. I think I'm beginning to understand... but I don't feel comfortable with this. Not yet."   
  
Another laboured silence.   
  
"Does... anyone else know about this?" he asked.   
  
Dot glanced once more at the datafile on her desk.   
  
"Not yet," she replied. "But... they have a right to know." Truly, she wasn't sure she *could* tell them. If she didn't, would that make her a bad person? For protecting them? Was that what Bob felt he was doing? Protecting them? She closed her eyes as she tightly gripped the armrests of her chair, her knuckles turning pale with the effort.   
  
Bob nodded, slowly, as he straightened.   
  
"I understand. I'll be around," he said, with some effort.   
  
As soon as the office door closed behind him, Dot buried her face in her hands and let the tears come.  
  
  
----- 


End file.
